Finals and Farewell

Finals

When I went to type up my entry last weekend, I had no clue what to write about. It seemed nothing had happened worth commenting, so why waste the effort? Just didn't feel like I had any sort of profound wisdom to impart.

Well... I'm no more wise than before. But the whole point of this experiment is to get my thoughts, however mundane, onto paper (so to speak). So... with that said... shall we?

These past two weeks were actually quite eventful in my little corner of the world. How can anyone go through finals and not find something worth commenting over? Not I, that's for sure! I do believe that I'll be passing all of my classes this term, with quite respectable grades might I add, but I do have to pose one question to the world in general. What exactly, in the name of all that is true and right in this world, does Algebra have to do with the world of Film Production? I'm asking... seriously... I'd like to know. 'Cause I gotta tell you, I still have at least one more semester of the stuff to take before I even get to the level of math that is pertinent to my degree... and I don't remember it being this hard back in high school! Sure... that was 17 years ago, but last I looked they hadn't come out with an even newer new math. How is it possible to advance through the numerical ranks to the level of Trigonometry and not retain some small inkling of what was learned. Something should have permeated, right? Okay. Okay. I still know how to add and subtract. Multiplication... ya ya (not as fast, but it's still there). Division... depends (ha ha). Okay. The basics I got. Still remember how to do all that. But then, fractions and exponents and decimals and scientific notation and variables.... aaaagggghh! Where did they all come from? And why can't I remember any of this from before?! The phrase "like riding a bike" doesn't even come close here. More apropos, I think, is "use it or lose it". Cliche' but oh so true! Some of it was familiar, but not in the "oh yeah... yeah, now I remember!" kind of way. More like "huh... this looks vaguely familiar..." I'm having visions of running through chapter reviews all summer so I don't forget everything before the next class in the fall. Let this be a lesson, kids! Don't neglect your math skills! Okay... PSA over for now.

I'm pretty sure I have a solid B in my English class. You couldn't tell from this blog site, but I can sling together one mean essay when I have to. It's hard to change my natural narrative style and remember things like topic sentences and thesis statements, but I've managed to impress the teacher on several occasions this term, so I can't be too upset. The final was particularly scary. It was, of course, an essay. Written on the spot. No research time. No spell check. No chance to outline or plan... NIGHTMARE time! Even still, I think I muddled through okay. The proof will be in the GPA, I suppose.

I must admit to a certain giddiness with the results of my Theatre class. It was pretty much a history class. Lecture one night a week on the history of the Theatre. The only homework for the term was studying lecture notes, and to watch and critique two plays. I admit to grinning like a fool when my last critique had a big "100" on it, and included a comment of "Excellent!" from the instructor. The final itself was just testing on the last few lectures, so it wasn't as horrific as it could have been. Had it been a cumulative test, I'm not so sure I would have fared as well. As it was I went blank on at least three of the answers. When I commented on that to the instructor, however, he just gave me a little sideways smile and said "Somehow I think you'll do okay in this class regardless." I tell you, I was floating as I walked out to the parking lot that night. I've half decided to minor in theatre... if not double major. We'll have to see what happens when I meet with an advisor. I want to do a double major - but I also want to be able to finish sometime! Still too early to make the call, though. For now, my only real question is "what class to take this summer?"

Farewell

As you may have guessed by the title, this blog is about more than just finals. For, not only did I say farewell to the school term this week, but I also said farewell to my Grandfather.

Joseph O'Connor. Sparky. Pom Pom. Dody. He was known to many and by many names. To me he will always be "Grandpa O'Connor". As kids that's how we distinguished between Dad's dad and Mom's. Grandpa O'Connor and Grandpa Weldy. Grandma's were easy... I had a Grandma and I had a Granny.My memories of my Grandpa are, sadly, a bit hazy with time. I remember him very fondly, but I, for reasons I'm sure I'll delve into later, didn't have as close a relationship with Grandpa as many of the other cousins. I simply wasn't around so much. My early years I can remember playing at Grandma and Grandpa's house - running around with cousins, sports with aunts and uncles, sitting on Grandpa's lap watching the game - so many images and all jumbled together. I didn't know him as well in the later years, but I did love him. He was such an interesting man, and he led an amazing life! His most noteworthy accomplishment is, without a doubt, the wonderful family he left on this earth. Grandpa was the father of 11 children. That in itself is an accomplishment! But, when you begin to look at the people those children have become, the families they've raised, the lives they've lived... you realize just how amazing the accomplishment truly was! You've heard stories of big families -both heartwarming and terrifying. This family is most definitely the former. This family was clearly blessed with a loving stable environment, and it has flourished. The generations have continued along the same lines, and while its true that every family has its problems, the love and caring is evident in every nuance of the people that make up this extraordinary group. Joseph and Ruth gave that to these children, who, in turn, gave it to their children and so on down the line. I count myself lucky to be amongst these wonderful people.

Most people think of funerals as sad affairs. While it is true, there was definite sadness at Grandpa's passing, the simple joy for him and the journey he is now on was truly inspiring! We are all sad that he is no longer a part of our daily lives, but the conviction of his faith gives us all a certain peace about his passing. His journey is far from over, and this was as much a sendoff for this new venture as it was a celebration of his life. The love and faith he has inspired in people was more than evident, and I know that his spirit must live on. I only hope to find that level of faith and contentment some day!

Farewell, Grandpa. Safe journey! Say hi to Grandma for me, and keep my brother in-line please.

A Bit of History ... or How I Got From There to Here

Almost everyone can categorize their lives into a series of events. Big moments, and sometimes not so big, that shaped the destiny of the person in question. The sum of those moments in my life has led me to this day and time when I embark on yet another quest for growth and achievement. But, where did it all start? Well, I won't bore you with all of the mundane details, but a quick overview seems to be in order at the very least.

My early years were like most anyone else's... I was born. I played. I went to school. I fought with my sisters. I did what any other normal kid does.

I found out about the wonders of the imagination at a young age, and have been penning stories almost from the moment I first realized that those squiggly lines on paper actually meant something! At the tender age of eight I was already on my way to becoming the most prolific writer in my own corner of the universe. Creative writing was my absolute favorite subject in school, and while I had plenty of time for outside play and cavorting with my friends, it soon became the norm to see me toting my handy notebook wherever I went.

As I got a little older, I found my time divided between my three favorite pursuits: reading, watching television and writing. What kid didn't like a bit of television, huh? For me, it was more than just a bit. And, as I graduated from adolescent into the teenage years, my time was spent more and more with my three obsessions... I devoured novels (the library at my junior high actually gave me a scholarship to the bookstore of my high-school, I was that frequent of a visitor). I became the walking television program guide - had my favorites for each day of the week, and rarely missed anything. Ideas for stories of my own were sparking like mad and I had to filter through the minutiae to find the truly inspiring ideas that were worth following and discard the others. This is perhaps the time when my life's dream came to be born. I wanted to write! I loved television (and movies)! I was going to write the great American novel, bidding wars for the movie rights would ensue, everyone would be clamoring at me to write more! Write more!

Then, high school happened. How thrilled I was to find out that my town had a performing arts high school, and that I would be allowed to attend! I bussed an hour each way, but it meant that I was able to study theatre for at least three hours a day, and I found a network of people that were just as creative and off-beat as I was myself. Suddenly, I could see myself as a star! My mother pointed out once that I seemed to just light up my freshman year. I had found people that were just like me! I found my niche. Turns out, I wasn't meant for the spotlight, but rather to run the show. The sense of satisfaction and self-worth I felt when working with props or lights, building sets or working the sound board, was so much more than the joy of being on stage. And, when I was given the opportunity to be in charge, Ooohhh boy! Assistant director and the director had to go out of town for a week! Holy Hannah! Can you say "walking on air"? This was truly where I was meant to be! It made sense really. Who better to direct my great American novel turned movie than... me?

I found myself suddenly spending more time with other people and less time in front of the TV. Looking back on that year, I was amazed when I was unable to pinpoint any specific show that I saw the entire year. I was getting out & doing things with my friends and I was having a blast. I was still writing, but now I had a network of people to sound off to, and they were quite accommodating with the praise and accolades. In spite of my ever-present teen-age insecurities, I was doing quite well!

Then, I met him. Oh be still my beating heart - I was in love! And so was he! He told me so! I believed him, and for a time, I think he may have actually been telling the truth. But, alas, this too shall pass... It was almost a year that we were together before he broke up with me. He left without any real reason given, but, not before he left a very special present.

I became a mom at the ripe old age of 16. Suddenly - priorities shifted. Life altering things were happening, and I couldn't continue down the road I was on. It took some doing. Many fits and starts. But, eventually, I found my groove as a mom. My daughter and I grew up together and through her I learned so many of life's lessons. My dreams had not gone away, but my immediate concerns had changed. I was back to watching, reading and writing as I struggled to be a good mom and provide a somewhat stable home for my child.

Flash forward nineteen years and you now find me today - picking up on my dreams from years gone by. My time spent being caretaker and bread winner has been well spent and many positive things have come to be because of it. My child is a healthy, caring, thoughtful, charismatic person, and she is even now chasing dreams of her own. I have grown in ways unimaginable - physically, emotionally, spiritually - and more.

And then, one day, I asked myself "what am I going to do now?" The answer, quite simply, "anything I want!" After much in the way of hemming and hawing I finally realized that my dreams of writing for film and television had never truly left, but merely been slumbering for a time. My desire to write for a living is still strong, and now I find myself able to more actively pursue that goal. I've enrolled in college for the fourth time - yet this one managed to stick. I'm on the cusp of actually finishing my first semester! Weird to be a freshman at 35, but not completely unheard of in this day and age.

Today, as I begin my blog-journey, I think of the finals I should be studying for, the English essay that's due tomorrow, the theatre critique that's also due tomorrow - and the laundry that needs doing and groceries that need buying - and I realize - I need to get to it!

I've enjoyed rambling on to you, and I hope you have enjoyed reading. I look forward to meeting you here again soon at which time I will be happy to fill you in on more of my exciting life and times! Do please let me know what you think - and if you have a specific subject you'd care to discuss, let me know that as well! Until then, I will bid you adieu.

The Journey Begins

I suppose it may seem odd to think of my journey beginning at the ripe old age of 35, but it truly has just begun. A new chapter, I guess you might say.

You might ask youreslf "Why, in the name of all that is good and right in this world, would anyone care about these Mental Meanderings?" That's a fair question. Your answer may well be "I don't!" And that's okay. I can only say that with the beginnings of a new life I find the need to write it all down, and the slight possibility that someone else might be reading it... well that forces me to think about what that someone might like to read. I, therefore, must remain constantly observant of the world around me, and I must update on a regular basis. Two very important attributes of an aspiring writer, wouldn't you say? So, you could classify this as research, homework, a study of the life and culture of the times we find ourselves living in... call it what you will. It basically boils down to the fact that I like to write. I need to write. And, for the first time in my life, I have a real desire for others to read what I write. So. Here we go.

A little about me before we start. I mentioned above that this is a new beginning for me. It very much is. After eleven years working for the same company, I have just begun a new job. I am just about ready to complete my first semester of college (and am completely psyched about it! Feel more and more like a college kid every day). My only child just turned 19 and I find myself a bit superfluous to her daily needs. Oh - don't get me wrong! I still pay the rent and make sure she has food to eat and clothes to wear, but the "raising" her is all but done and now I must sit back and watch while she finds her own way in this world. So... the new me has emerged. 35. Single. Grown child. New job. New college student. What's not to be excited about? And I'm absolutely certain that you, like many others out there, are just dying to read all about it. At the very least, when you are one day sitting in a darkened movie theater and the credits roll by, you will be able to point to my name on the screen and say that you were in the know when my quest began!

So, sit back, prop your feet up, and forget about your troubles for a while, as I take you on this journey with me to discover what the heck this life is all about and what we'll find around the next bend.